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The current period marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {